Looking for It
by Jules9
Summary: *INCOMPLETE & FORMERLY "Who Am I Really?"* My take on the Alison/Rafe/Livvie saga (TORN), inspired by Jann Arden's song "Looking for It (Finding Heaven)"... CHAPTERS 4-31 NOW UP!!!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1   
  
Tell me all about it  
Ease your mind  
-Tony Lucca, "The Only One"  
  
  
Alison hung her head and took a deep breath, praying for the strength she so desperately needed.   
  
Had she come to the right place? She hoped so. Something drew her there, the faith that had been instilled in her at such an early age. Alison hoped that faith would be the thing to save her...   
  
Swallowing her fear, she raised her light-blonde head and began to speak.   
  
"Please, God..."   
  
Her soft voice penetrated the silence of the empty church in which she knelt.   
  
"Please help me."   
  
  
***  
  
  
Rafe wandered aimlessly through the streets of Port Charles. Nothing seemed familiar to him. How could that be? Livvie claimed he'd been living there for almost a year. Still, nothing clicked.  
  
After an hour or so, he felt completely lost. How would he get back to the cabin? Livvie was out visiting her friend at the hospital, but he had no idea how to reach her.   
  
Glancing around at his surroundings, he noticed a simple white chapel across the street. Surely, someone inside could direct him to the hospital, where he could reconnect with Livvie.   
  
Of course, she'd be upset that he left the cabin without telling her, but he had to get out of there. The inactivity was driving him insane! Now, however, he'd had his exercise, and he would willingly succumb to her wishes.   
  
Carefully looking both ways down the street, Rafe crossed over to the next block and proceeded to climb the church's cement steps... 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2  
  
It's been so strong for so long  
All I can do is hold on  
And take you by surprise  
When you make it home to my eyes  
-Tony Lucca, "Honestly for You"  
  
  
Alison sighed and shifted uncomfortably in the chapel's wooden front pew.  
  
"I guess You already know what's been happening to me, God," she began uneasily, "so I won't waste Your time repeating it."  
  
She sighed again, rubbing her light blue eyes in frustration.  
  
"You know, I know You have a plan for everything, but could You just give me a little hint here? I'm so confused. I just don't know what to do!"  
  
Alison raised her hands in exasperation and quietly began to sob. The hot tears burned her fair eyes, causing their lids to swell.  
  
"Oh, I've got to stop feeling so sorry for myself," she muttered, rubbing her now tear-stained eyes with her fingertips. "No one can help me now, not even You."  
  
Alison paused a moment to collect herself before continuing.  
  
"I just thought that maybe... Maybe You could send me some sort of sign or something, You know? Maybe You could just point me in the right direction so that I could help myself."  
  
A short, bitter laugh escaped her.  
  
"I guess I was wrong."  
  
She leaned forward, threading her tiny fingers through her long, blonde hair.  
  
"I was so wrong."  
  
The sobs returned. This time, she choked on them loudly. There was no one there to hear her, no one there to help, or so she thought...  
  
Alison never even noticed the church doors open or the lone figure that strode up beside her. She didn't notice anything until she felt the lightest touch on her shoulder and the soothing wave it sent through her entire being.  
  
Although the touch comforted her, it also startled her. She hadn't seen anyone else when she arrived, and now someone was definitely there. But who?  
  
"Oh, my God!" she gasped when she finally saw the visitor's face.  
  
She bolted upright and caught the surprised man's mouth with a firm, passionate kiss.  
  
Wrapping her arms tightly around the new arrival, Alison murmured, "Thank you, God... Thank you, God..." 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3  
  
Slowly you begin to rise  
And all the dreams left in my eyes  
Come true, as far as I can tell  
-Tony Lucca, "Understand"  
  
  
"Wait a second. Wait just a second!"  
  
Through some quick maneuvering, the startled man managed to extricate himself from Alison's desperate grasp. Taking a couple steps backwards in the church's main aisle, he cocked his head to the side and took a good look at her.  
  
She was cute - gorgeous, actually - with long, flowing, blonde hair and glistening blue eyes. Her tanned skin was flawless, and her slight figure attracted him just as much as did Livvie's curvaceous one, perhaps even more. There was just something about her...  
  
"Rafe, I'm so sorry!"  
  
The blonde giggled, covering her rosy lips and cheeks with her hands like an embarrassed schoolgirl.  
  
"It's just-"  
  
The giggles returned.  
  
"I'm just so happy to see you!"  
  
"You're happy to see me?" Rafe asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, of course I am."  
  
She smiled, displaying two, perfect rows of pearly white teeth.  
  
"Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
She moved toward him, and the now-very-confused man instinctively took a few steps backward.  
  
"Rafe, what's wrong?" she asked him, concerned. "Did something happen while you were gone? 'Cause I gotta tell you, so much's happened here..."  
  
"Wait, you know about my being 'gone?'" he inquired curiously, his brow furrowing underneath its mask of honey-blond bangs.  
  
She obviously recognized him, and she knew he'd been missing. What else did she know?  
  
The young woman eyed him peculiarly. If he didn't know any better, Rafe would swear that he heard the wheels turning in her head as she looked at him.  
  
"Well?" he demanded.  
  
His voice betrayed his anxiety, and he instantly felt horrible for snapping at her. He just had to know!  
  
"Rafe, calm down."  
  
There she was again, inching toward him...  
  
"Yeah, I know you left town. I know everything about you - At least, I'd like to think I do - just like you know everything about me."  
  
"Why?" He swallowed loudly, taking another small step backward. "Why would you say that?"  
  
"Oh, come on, Rafe," she scoffed lightly, stopping dead in her tracks and crossing her slender arms across her chest. "Stop playing around. You know why."  
  
"I do?" he asked innocently.  
  
"Yes, you do," she stated matter-of-factly.  
  
Rafe shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of two baby blue eyes that seemed to bore right through him. He cast his face down, trying desperately to escape them.  
  
"Rafe..."  
  
The blonde stepped closer to him again and gently cupped his chin in her tiny hands, forcing him to face her.  
  
"Please tell me what happened. Whatever it is, we'll deal with it together, just like we always do."  
  
Uh, oh. There were those eyes again...  
  
"Um..." was all he could manage.  
  
She suddenly let her hand drop, releasing him from her enchanting gaze.  
  
Startled, Rafe watched as she now backed away from him.  
  
"You know, Rafe," she began, raising her delicate hands in frustration, "now is really not the time to do this to me. I've been through a lot since you left, and I really need your help. I mean..."  
  
She paused a moment before continuing.  
  
"I know this really wasn't what we figured life would be like after we got married, but-"  
  
"Wait, 'married!'"  
  
"Married." Hearing her say that really threw him for a loop. Here he was, talking to this girl he'd swear he never met before, and she's saying they're husband and wife. It was just what Livvie had talked about, hearing too much information at once.  
  
He suddenly felt quite woozy and stumbled backward, reaching for something to support him. He knew there was another set of pews there somewhere...  
  
Ah, he found it! Oh, no, he didn't...  
  
The floor seemed to disappear from beneath him, and Rafe found himself falling... falling smack into that missing front pew... 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4  
  
I'm not the same boy you once knew  
I've changed my ways  
-Tony Lucca, "Seen Some Better Days"  
  
  
"Rafe!" Alison exclaimed, watching her "husband" collapse onto the church floor and smack his head loudly on the first row of pews.  
  
She quickly ducked down to check on him.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.  
  
God, Rafe felt like such a moron. He meets two beautiful ladies, who could possibly hold valuable keys to his past, and what does he do? He grabs the first by her ankle, nearly scaring her to death, and then he falls all over himself in front of the other. He suddenly wasn't sure he wanted to remember the past ten years of his life, if this was what he'd done only in the past few weeks.  
  
"I'm sorry..."  
  
He raised a finger, indicating he wanted to make a point.  
  
"Did you say we're 'married?'"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Alison spoke softly, and her eyes wandered as she replayed the moment in her mind.  
  
"Ugh!" Rafe groaned, leaning backward.  
  
He winced as his head once again connected with the wooden pew.  
  
"Rafe!" cried Alison. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I don't know!" he moaned, resting his head in his hands. "I don't know anything. I can't- I can't remember... anything."  
  
As much as she instinctively wanted to hold and comfort him, Alison found herself backing away from the man she loved.  
  
"What do you mean you don't remember?" she asked quizzically, her blue eyes squinting at him.  
  
"I mean, I don't remember!" Rafe responded, throwing his hands down in frustration and looking up at her. "I don't remember anything, anyone. I don't remember you, and I especially don't remember me."  
  
"But-"  
  
Alison stepped a bit closer to him.  
  
"But how is that possible? Rafe, I'm your wife!"  
  
"So you keep telling me!" he exclaimed, his hazel eyes flashing.  
  
He noticed her jump back at his outburst, and he found himself feeling even worse.  
  
"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly. "You seem to genuinely care about me, and you definitely don't deserve this."  
  
Alison stood silently in front of him, too shocked to say or do anything.  
  
Rafe stood and took a deep breath, trying desperately to compose himself and retain whatever dignity he had left.  
  
"You know what? I'm just going to go outside and take a walk. I think I could really use the fresh air. Excuse me."  
  
He turned and prepared to head toward the door, but Alison quickly ran in front of him and blocked him.  
  
"Oh, no, you don't, Rafe Kovich," she said, pressing her hands against his shoulders. "You are not going to disappear on me again." 


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5  
  
Fix me now  
I wish you would  
Bring me back to life  
-Garbage, "Fix Me Now"  
  
  
Rafe glanced down at the woman in front of him. She stood there, her tiny palms pressed against his broad shoulders, acting as if she could block any move he might attempt.  
  
Suddenly, he couldn't help but chuckle.  
  
"Rafe Kovich, are you laughing at me?" the now-agitated woman demanded. "Because this is not funny!"  
  
"I'm sorry, but you're acting crazy," he managed through laughs.  
  
"Ugh!"  
  
Alison threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.  
  
"You're always telling me that!" she snapped.  
  
"Everybody's telling me that," she added quietly.  
  
Rafe stopped laughing, and his face became serious.  
  
"You know," he began. "It sounds like you've been through a lot, and I really don't want to add to your troubles, but I need to know what's going on with me. I need to remember. So..."  
  
He paused.  
  
"Will you help me?"  
  
"Of course," said Alison, smiling at him sweetly.  
  
Oh, that man... This new Rafe might not remember anything about their life together, but he still managed to somehow worm his way under her skin without her even knowing it. Maybe helping him to remember his old life wouldn't be so difficult...  
  
"So, Mrs. Kovich, may I ask your name? Or should I say, your maiden name?"  
  
Rafe grinned.  
  
"Oh!" Alison exclaimed, snapping out of her reverie. "I'm sorry. I should have told you that already. It's just so weird, having to remember that you don't... remember. I'm Alison, Alison Barrington."  
  
"Alison Barrington." Rafe knew that name.  
  
Livvie told him Alison Barrington killed her father. But how could she, this tiny girl before him, be a cold-blooded killer?  
  
"Well," Alison murmured, "guessing from your expression, you've heard of me before."  
  
"Yeah, uh-" Rafe stammered. "I, uh- I read about you in the paper."  
  
"God!" Alison yelled angrily, turning away from him.  
  
Realizing her whereabouts, a church, a "house of God," she winced.  
  
"Sorry, Big Guy," she apologized softly.  
  
"Listen, Rafe-"  
  
She spun around quickly.  
  
"I really need to get out of here before I say something else I shouldn't. I know that you probably don't trust me right now, but can you please try? I really think we should just go home and talk about this."  
  
Purposely avoiding her pleading eyes, Rafe asked, "Alison, are you trying to take me home with you? Because I don't know... I mean, I just met you... again. I really don't think that's a good idea."  
  
There, he'd said it. Now, the question was, how would she react?  
  
Alison scoffed.  
  
"Rafe, I'm not going to try and seduce you or anything, and I'm not going to do any kind of dastardly deed, if that's what you're thinking. I just really want to talk with you and try and help you. Besides, I didn't mean we should go to my place. I don't really have a place of my own right now. I meant we should go to your house."  
  
"M-My house?"  
  
Rafe couldn't believe his ears.  
  
What was this girl talking about? 


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6  
  
Somebody, bring my family back  
-Faithless, "Bring My Family Back"  
  
  
The front door to the Coe/Kovich house opened quietly. Alison stepped inside, followed by an awestruck Rafe.  
  
"Well, this is it," Alison announced, closing the door softly.  
  
"Home, sweet home," she murmured to herself.  
  
Alison hadn't visited the house since her Rafe departed. Now she was showing it to some new Rafe, who'd never seen it before. She only hoped she could hold it all together. If she couldn't, she was lost.  
  
"Who are all these people?"  
  
Rafe's voice interrupted her thoughts yet again, and she turned to face him.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"These pictures."  
  
He motioned toward the framed photographs over the stone fireplace.  
  
"Oh, sorry," Alison apologized. "I should have told you earlier, but this whole situation is just so... weird."  
  
Rafe nodded eagerly, his eyes pleading for her to continue.  
  
Aiming for a better view of the photographs, Alison walked toward the mantle.  
  
"You see, this isn't actually your house. It belongs to someone named Lucy Coe." She pointed at an attractive, middle-aged brunette in one of the photos. "That's her."  
  
"Lucy..."  
  
Rafe studied the photograph curiously. "Lucy," smiling widely, stood next to a dark-haired, middle-aged man. The pair looked extremely happy, something for which Rafe couldn't help but envy them.  
  
"That's Kevin, her husband," commented Alison, noticing his fascination with the image.  
  
'He's also the man I'm accused of murdering,' she thought to herself.  
  
Alison decided it was best not to bring up that topic quite yet. She wasn't sure whether this new Rafe trusted her or not.  
  
"Who are the kids?" asked Rafe, glancing at his companion.  
  
"Those two beautiful girls..."  
  
Alison smiled as she pictured the brunette toddler and the young blonde.  
  
"...are Lucy's daughters, Christina and Serena."  
  
She pointed to each child as she mentioned them.  
  
"They are two of the most wonderful children on the planet, and they love their mother so much."  
  
Alison couldn't help but grin.  
  
"Everyone loves Lucy. You can't help it. Her optimism is just... infectious, and she cares so much about everything and everyone. She's a wonderful person."  
  
Rafe was a bit frustrated. Sure, he'd asked who the people in the photographs were, but he'd at least thought that Alison would explain their connections to him, not just ramble on about what wonderful people they were. He decided he'd better take action.  
  
"Alison," he began cautiously. "You told me that this Lucy person owns this house, but she let me stay here."  
  
"Yes, she let us stay here," Alison agreed, correcting him gently.  
  
"Okay..." Rafe took a deep breath and then continued. "She let us stay here. Why would she do that? How do we know all these people?"  
  
Alison smiled brightly.  
  
"Rafe, they're your family."  
  
"My fa-family?" stammered Rafe in shock.  
  
He had a family? 


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7  
  
I don't know what you are  
But I know what I want  
You make me understand  
You shine just like a star  
-The Chris Perez Band, "Resurrection"  
  
  
"Here," said Alison, handing Rafe a glass of water.  
  
She sat down on the plush beige couch beside him, eying him cautiously.  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Alison softly.  
  
Rafe sighed.  
  
"I honestly don't know," he admitted. "For most of my life - what I can remember, anyway - it's been drilled into my head that I'm the last of my line and that I should remember and honor my fallen ancestors. I built my life around the promise that I would."  
  
Alison nodded quietly, waiting for him to continue.  
  
"Now..."  
  
Rafe took a quick sip from his glass and then set it down on the coffee table in front of him.  
  
"Now I supposedly have these long-lost relatives. It just- It makes me wonder."  
  
"Wonder what?" asked Alison, scooting a tiny bit closer to him on the sofa.  
  
"It makes me wonder why," said Rafe, his brow furrowing slightly. "From what you've said, I have everything I've ever wanted. Why can't I remember any of it?"  
  
"Hey..."  
  
Smiling warmly, Alison cupped Rafe's chin in her hands.  
  
"I'm going to help you remember. Everyone I told you about, they're going to help you, too. I promise you, Rafe. You will have all you dreamed and more. I promise."  
  
"I believe you," he whispered in response.  
  
An unusual silence set in as the two sat there, staring into each other's eyes.  
  
Rafe knew he had never felt this way before; not that he could remember, anyway.  
  
Alison showed him more genuine attention and care in one day than Livvie had in the weeks he'd been with her. Unlike Livvie, she offered information only when asked, instead of forcing the same thing down his throat over and over again.  
  
And when she touched him... Rafe felt this energy rush through his body, from the skin underneath the beard she caressed ever-so-gently to his toes. She didn't grab him or squish him like Livvie did, hanging on for dear life. Alison just had to touch him...  
  
Yes, there was definitely something special about her. Rafe would bet his life on it. Alison Barrington was a special soul he intended to explore... 


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8  
  
When I speak, I cross my fingers  
Will you know you've been deceived?  
-Guster, "Demons"  
  
  
Livvie paced anxiously across the rented cottage's wooden floor.  
  
Where was Rafe? The not-knowing was driving her up the wall!  
  
Suddenly, her cell phone rang, and she snapped to attention.  
  
Running to her purse, she yanked out the phone and answered, "Hello? Oh, God, Rafe, I'm so glad it's you!"  
  
"Livvie, I had to call you," Rafe gushed. "I just had the best day of my life! I was out walking, just walking around wherever, you know, and then-"  
  
"Rafe, slow down!" Livvie cautioned him. "I can't understand you. What are you talking about?"  
  
"Oh, sorry," Rafe apologized, pausing to take a deep breath before speaking again. "I went out this afternoon, just for a walk around the city-"  
  
"Rafe!" exclaimed Livvie furiously, interrupting him. "I told you not to go out without me. You don't know what's out there. You shouldn't be wandering around alone."  
  
'God only knows what he'll find if he does,' she thought to herself.  
  
"Livvie, Livvie, listen," said Rafe excitedly. "I know you told me to do that, but, you know what? I've never been good at following directions... ever. I'm sorry. I just haven't."  
  
Livvie sighed, rolling her eyes.  
  
'Thank God Rafe can't see me right now,' she thought, trying to develop some sort of plan to bring him back from wherever he was.  
  
She had to deal with this situation as soon as possible.  
  
"So where are you, Rafe?" she asked curiously, resuming her pacing.  
  
"Livvie, that's my news! I was wandering around the city, like I told you, and I ran into someone, someone who knew me, and they told me all this information about my life - my life here, in Port Charles."  
  
Livvie stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
"They did?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"Yeah; yes!" exclaimed Rafe happily. "It was unbelievable! I mean, at first it was just way too much information, way too fast, like you said..."  
  
"Yes?" Livvie pressed.  
  
She had to know more. She had to know everything.  
  
"Well, I didn't really believe what the person said, and they could tell. I guess I'm not a very good liar or something, not that I would want to be-"  
  
"Rafe, stop talking nonsense, and finish your story!" Livvie snapped, her dark brown eyes flashing.  
  
"Alright," continued Rafe. "So I didn't believe the news... at first, but then I found proof that what my friend said was true! Livvie, they told me I had a home of my own in Port Charles, and they were right! I mean, I'm standing in a house, my house, right now!"  
  
He chuckled.  
  
"Isn't it amazing?"  
  
'Yeah, real amazing,' thought Livvie bitterly.  
  
What was she going to do now? What secrets would the house hold for Rafe, secrets just waiting to be discovered?  
  
"Rafe, listen to me," Livvie ordered him, gathering up her coat and purse. "I know where you are-"  
  
"You do?" Rafe asked suspiciously.  
  
"Yes," replied Livvie dryly. "Now stay put. I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"  
  
With that, she hung up and ran out the door.  
  
Rafe heard a dial tone at his end of the phone and shook his head. He didn't know why Livvie was so worried.  
  
"Don't worry, Livvie," said Rafe, eying his new surroundings happily. "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
He'd only looked at one room, the family room, with Alison. He couldn't wait to explore the rest of the house, his house... 


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9  
  
The answers that we find  
Are never what we had in mind  
So we make it up as we go along  
-Nine Days, "If I Am"  
  
  
Livvie drove to Lucy's as fast as humanly possible. When she finally reached the front door, she noticed it was ajar; Rafe was expecting her.  
  
On the car ride over, she'd briefly concocted a plan to lure Rafe back to the cabin with her. If that didn't work...  
  
Livvie shook her long mane of brown hair and pulled her black top down even lower, revealing a great deal of cleavage and a hint of the black lace bra underneath it.  
  
'If my plan doesn't work, these will,' she thought shrewdly.  
  
"Rafe?" Livvie called out, stepping over the threshold and inside the house.  
  
He was at the door in a heartbeat, grinning as stupidly as he had since he'd called her.  
  
"Livvie, come in," he gushed, ushering her out of the foyer, down a short set of wooden stairs, and into the spacious family room.  
  
"Welcome to my house," Rafe announced jubilantly. "Isn't it amazing?"  
  
"Rafe-" Livvie began, but he cut her off.  
  
"Wait, let me show you something. This is the best part."  
  
Sighing, Livvie acquiesced and allowed the excited young man to lead her across the room and over to the mantle, where he proceeded to show her his "family photos" and name all of his "relatives."  
  
Rafe's happiness over finding his "family" caused Livvie to feel a twinge of guilt for what she was going to do. She couldn't believe the lows to which she was going for this man.  
  
Still, she had to do what she had to do, no matter the cost. She would not let Alison win.  
  
"Rafe," she began again, taking his hand in her own. "Rafe, I need to talk to you."  
  
"Yeah, Livvie, I need to talk to you, too," he agreed, nodding.  
  
The pair moved to the center of the room, where the made themselves comfortable on the same couch on which he and Alison had sat only an hour earlier.  
  
"Rafe, why don't you go first?" Livvie offered.  
  
Maybe hearing him speak would give her some clue into what this "friend" had told and showed him, she theorized to herself.  
  
"No, no," objected Rafe politely. "Ladies first. I've been doing all the talking since you got here. I really want to hear what you have to say."  
  
Livvie silently cursed him for saying that. Why did he have to be so damn cute? He was ruining everything!  
  
"Rafe," said Livvie, cupping his face with her hand. "I need to tell you something, and you're not going to like it, but I really need you to listen to me, okay? It's important."  
  
"Okay," Rafe managed.  
  
She was squeezing his face so tightly he thought it might cave in. He'd say anything to make her let go. Luckily, she did.  
  
"Now..."  
  
Livvie took Rafe's hands in her own, holding them close to her partially exposed chest.  
  
"Rafe, you need to tell me who you spoke with today."  
  
"Why?" he asked, cocking his head curiously.  
  
Moving his head allowed Rafe to look her straight in the eyes. Eye contact was very important to him. It was how he could tell if people were telling the truth or lying to him. It was also something Livvie constantly tried to avoid.  
  
"Rafe..."  
  
Livvie looked down at their intertwined hands before she allowed her eyes to meet his.  
  
"Rafe, I hate to tell you this, but whatever 'friend' you spoke to today lied to you. You have no family. The Koviches all died back in Transylvania." 


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10  
  
How can you stare into my face  
Knowing what you've done with my trust you've misplaced?  
-Trik Turner, "Temptation"  
  
  
"No!" Rafe roared.  
  
Yanking his hands free from Livvie's grasp, he shot up from his seat.  
  
Livvie remained seated on the couch, her mouth agape, staring down at her separated hands.  
  
"No, Livvie, no!" Rafe repeated, stepping away from her.  
  
"No! You're lying to me!" he declared, pointing at her.  
  
His violent reaction shocked her. Rafe was normally such a passive person. Why would he react so strongly now?  
  
Luckily, Livvie was a strong woman, stronger than most. She would not let anyone intimidate her, especially not Angel Boy Rafe.  
  
"No, Rafe, I'm not."  
  
Livvie stood, slowly inching her way toward him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Rafe. I truly am, but those pictures - those photographs you said were of your 'family' - Rafe, the people in those photographs are actors. They're just modeling, having their pictures taken to fill a frame. They're not your family, Rafe. I have the same pictures in the same frames at home!"  
  
Rafe didn't need to know, Livvie decided, that the photos were actually gifts from Lucy and that they were not only his family but hers as well.  
  
"I don't believe you," Rafe growled.  
  
He pointed at her again.  
  
"There's something you're not telling me, something important. I can feel it."  
  
"No, Rafe, I'm telling you the truth," said Livvie, her dark eyes peering at him under long eyelashes heavy with black mascara. "Yes, you did used to live here. We both did. That's how I knew where you were. You had no family, though, Rafe. I was your family. We were all each other had."  
  
"How can you do that?" asked Rafe, his hazel eyes filling with rage.  
  
"Do what?" Livvie countered, answering his question with a question of her own.  
  
"How you can you look me in the eyes and lie to me, Livvie? Tell me how!" he demanded.  
  
Livvie scoffed.  
  
"Imagine whatever you want, Rafe. I am not lying to you. I never lie to you. You wanna know why? Because I love you! I do everything for you!"  
  
"No, Livvie," Rafe disagreed coldly. "No, you don't. You're working some kind of agenda for yourself. I can see it in your eyes. There's darkness in you, Livvie. There's a darkness that scares me, and I think it scares you, too."  
  
"Oh, there's 'darkness' in me?"  
  
Livvie couldn't believe her ears.  
  
"What about you, Rafe?"  
  
"Me?" he countered angrily.  
  
"Yeah, you heard me," Livvie declared, her face flushing with anger. "Your life is darkness. Your life is empty, except for me. There are no vampires here, no demons. There's nothing for you to slay, nothing for you to do. There's just me, and I'm sorry if you wish there were more, but there isn't. It's just us."  
  
"No, no, no!"  
  
Rafe simply could not believe it. He would not believe it.  
  
"Alison would not lie to me!" he cried.  
  
"'Alison?'" repeated Livvie, shocked. 


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11  
  
I hear her talkin' loud  
But she ain't saying nothing  
What up with all the frontin'?  
Come on and show me somethin'  
-Nelly featuring Justin Timberlake (of 'N Sync), "Work It"  
  
  
"You talked to Alison today, Rafe? Alison Barrington?"  
  
Livvie's voice rose both in volume and pitch as she lashed out at her companion.  
  
"Well..."  
  
Livvie sighed, threading her fingers through her dark hair.  
  
"Now I know why you've been acting so strangely. Alison Barrington, everyone's favorite angel, swooped in to save the day.  
  
"What did she tell you, Rafe? Did she say that there's a 'darkness' in me and that you should stay away? Did she say there was a 'darkness' in my father, so that's why she killed him? Do you want to know where the 'darkness' is, Rafe? It's in her!"  
  
Finally, Rafe had had enough.  
  
"Be quiet!" he bellowed. "Livvie, just listen to yourself. Can you hear what you're saying? Every other conversation we have is about how Alison killed your father. I understand that you're upset by that, and you have every right to be, but you cannot let it control your life!"  
  
Livvie opened her mouth to speak, but he wouldn't let her.  
  
"No, listen to me, Livvie! I never met my father; he died before I was even born. Every day I remember that, and every day I live my life as best I can because I realize that that day could be my last. My father left a woman who loved him and his unborn son because someone thought it was his time."  
  
"Rafe, it was not my father's time!" screamed Livvie.  
  
"I didn't say that it was!" he yelled back. "I was trying to show you that life isn't fair. The things some people take for granted are the things others would give their souls for. That's just the way it is. There's nothing you or I, any of us, can do about it."  
  
"No," said Livvie defiantly. "I don't have to listen to this."  
  
She snatched her purse off the couch and headed toward the door.  
  
Unfortunately, Rafe grabbed her wrist before she had the chance to leave.  
  
"Livvie, don't do anything stupid," he advised her. "Let the courts handle Alison like you said they would. Let your father rest in peace."  
  
"Let go of me, Rafe," hissed Livvie through clenched teeth. "Let go!"  
  
Rafe reluctantly obeyed.  
  
He shook his head gently as he watched her exit the house, slamming the front door behind her. Something inside him told him that would not be the last he heard of Livvie Locke... 


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12  
  
I lie awake  
I drive myself crazy  
Drive myself crazy  
Thinking of you  
-'N Sync, "Thinking of You (I Drive Myself Crazy)"  
  
  
Sighing, Rafe flopped down on the family room couch. Rubbing his tired eyes with his fingertips, he reflected back on his day.  
  
It had all started with an innocent quest for some exercise and a bit of fresh air, but his walk led him to Alison, the possible key to unlocking his past.  
  
She shared a bit of good information with him - He had a home and a family in Port Charles - and then left to give him some space and time to investigate his new surroundings and collect his thoughts.  
  
Next he'd called Livvie, who he though would share in his joy. She didn't, though. He couldn't understand why. Wasn't this what she'd wanted, him to remember everything? Her pessimistic reaction and emphatic denials made no sense. Rafe knew she was keeping something from him.  
  
He might have lost his memory, but his slayer senses were not completely gone. He still had his wits, and he knew that they would eventually lead him to the truth, the truth about everything.  
  
Suddenly, Rafe had an idea...  
  
  
***  
  
  
"Okay," Rafe told himself. "This is it, the moment of truth."  
  
The framed photos from the mantelpiece lay facedown on the coffee table before him, laid out in a row.  
  
"Alright, Alison said that these pictures were of my cousins: Lucy, Kevin, Christina, and Serena. Livvie said, though..."  
  
Rafe scratched his head.  
  
"...that they were just models used to sell frames. The question now is: Who was right?"  
  
Rafe silently unscrewed the black felt backing of each frame. Then, taking a deep breath, he lifted them, one-by-one.  
  
"My God, Alison was right," he murmured, staring down in amazement.  
  
The backs of three photographs sat before him.  
  
Were they simply factory-issued standards, designed to sell picture frames?  
  
No, they were not. They were his family!  
  
'Serena, age 8, 2001,' read the leftmost one in blue ink.  
  
'Christina, age 1, 1999,' was scrawled across the one on the right.  
  
The most enlightening photo, however, rested in between the other two.  
  
'My dearest Lucy,  
  
Here's hoping we're this happy together forever.  
  
Love always,  
Doc.'  
  
"Doc?" Rafe asked himself quizzically, unconsciously rubbing the hair on his chin.  
  
Replacing the soft black backing, Rafe flipped over the photo. The smiling photo of Lucy and her husband, Kevin, that he'd admired earlier greeted him again.  
  
"Kevin, Lucy's husband, he must be some sort of doctor. Maybe he can help me," he mused. "I mean, anything's worth a shot, right?"  
  
Rafe stood, eager to contact his new relatives. He grabbed his coat, which he'd draped over the leather desk chair by the door, and headed to the front door. Moments before he arrived there, though, he rethought his plan.  
  
Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulled out an old fashioned pocket watch. Rafe pushed a tiny button, releasing the watch's golden faceplate.  
  
What time was it? 11:45 PM.  
  
"Lucy and Kevin have those little kids," he realized. "They're probably already asleep, and she and her husband probably want some time alone, or maybe they're asleep, too."  
  
Rafe shrugged.  
  
"I should probably wait 'til the morning to visit them, like Alison told me. That way they'll be expecting me. It's just- I'm so excited!"  
  
It was true. Rafe could barely contain himself. His body was exhausted, but his mind wouldn't dare let him rest. There was no possible way he was going to sleep anytime soon... 


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13  
  
I don't know how  
I don't know why  
But, girl, it seems  
You've touched my life  
-'N Sync, "Falling"  
  
  
"Ah! This place is incredible!"  
  
Rafe stood in wonder in the middle of the main bedroom's walk-in closet, surrounded by clothes and various accessories.  
  
His common sense told him that one side - the sparser one - was definitely his and one definitely belonged to a female. Shirts and pants, mainly featuring earth tones, hung on his side - the left - while colorful, frilly items hung to the right.  
  
Silently crossing the closet's carpeted floor, Rafe reached for one of the feminine blouses, a ruffled, white top. Holding it to his nose, he inhaled deeply, taking in the soft scent of soap and citrus. It seemed vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place it...  
  
Alison said they lived there together. Livvie said they lived there together. Who was telling the truth?  
  
Rafe knew Livvie had lied to him at least once. What else was she hiding?  
  
Exhaling deeply, Rafe strode back to the center of the spacious closet.  
  
'There must be something in here I remember, or something that will help me remember,' he thought, surveying the room carefully.  
  
Suddenly, something caught his eye.  
  
Stepping forward, Rafe stood on the tips of his toes, reaching for something on the top closet's top shelf.  
  
What did he find? A brown leather journal with 'RK' embossed on it in shiny, silver script.  
  
"My initials," he murmured, tracing the letters with his fingertips.  
  
Turning the clasp carefully, Rafe opened the journal and peeked inside. Meanwhile, his feet moved on their own it seemed, leading him to a seat on the bedroom's king-sized mattress.  
  
The first page featured handwriting that Rafe didn't recognize. He read it aloud carefully.  
  
"'Rafe,  
  
"'I was so sad when you told me that you threw out your other journal. I know how much it meant to you. You were such a wonderful writer, always able to articulate your feelings.  
  
"'You know that if you ever need anything, I'm here for you, but, if I'm not around for some reason, please use this.  
  
"'All my love forever,  
Alison.'"  
  
"Alison..."  
  
Her name escaped Rafe's lips as nothing more than a whisper; yet, it resonated in his ears louder than anything he'd ever heard before.  
  
She was the one. He knew it. He could feel it in every part of his being.  
  
Now he just had to remember... 


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14  
  
Is anybody there?  
Does anybody care?  
-Our Lady Peace, "Life"  
  
  
Bright and early the next morning, Rafe found himself on the front doorstep of his cousin Lucy Coe's home.  
  
It was a strange place, a renovated lighthouse, complete with what appeared to be a manmade duck pond and its very own duck!  
  
Shaking his head, Rafe thought to himself, 'Well, I come from a line of vampire slayers. I never should have thought these new relatives would be any more normal than my old ones.'  
  
Readjusting his grasp on the unwieldy cardboard box in his arms, Rafe took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell, hoping for the best...  
  
  
***  
  
  
That morning the Collins/Coe and now Thornhart/Barrington residence was a chaotic mess as Lucy and Ian struggled to wake, dress, and feed their young children before their visitor arrived. Alison, however, was nowhere to be seen.  
  
'Ding!' chimed the doorbell.  
  
"Ian!" Lucy yelled down from upstairs. "I'm helping Christina get dressed. Can you get the door?"  
  
Ian glanced over at his young son, Daniel, who sat in his highchair, happily munching on a pile of Cheerios.  
  
"I miss having our own place, don't you, Danny?"  
  
The child giggled, banging his tiny fists against his seat.  
  
'Ding!'  
  
"Ian!" Lucy's voice bellowed through the lighthouse.  
  
"I'm getting it!" Ian called back, rising from his seat at the kitchen table.  
  
"Come on, Danny," he murmured in his thick Irish brogue, scooping his son out the seat and into his arms. "Let's go see who's come to visit us."  
  
The two exited the kitchen, traveling through the family room before ending up at the front door...  
  
  
***  
  
  
Outside, Rafe was getting frustrated. He'd rung the doorbell two times and still, no answer.  
  
Did he have the right address?  
  
Was Livvie right? Was Alison just playing him?  
  
Questions flooded his mind, his confidence slowly diminishing.  
  
"No, Rafe, you just have to believe," he told himself, trying to hold onto his courage. "You have to give these people a chance."  
  
He waited a few seconds more, drumming his fingers against the box of muffins he'd purchased for Lucy and her family.  
  
"Well, they say the third time's the charm," Rafe murmured, raising his hand to push the doorbell one last time.  
  
Suddenly, the door flew open, revealing a scruffy, dark-haired man and a baby boy.  
  
"Hi, uh, I'm looking for Lucy Coe," Rafe stammered nervously.  
  
Who were these people?  
  
"Yeah, you're at the right place," Ian informed him, stepping away from the doorway and back into the house. "Come on in, Rafe. Lucy's been expecting you." 


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15  
  
I'm gonna walk by faith and not by sight  
Because I can't see straight in the broad daylight  
-Out of the Grey, "Walk by Faith"  
  
  
Rafe silently followed the Irishman into the house, closing the door behind him softly.  
  
Ian glanced at the young man, who now nervously clutched his gift.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized. "Alison told us about your, uh, condition."  
  
Rafe laughed nervously.  
  
Why was he so worried?  
  
'Calm down, Rafe; Calm down,' he repeated over and over in his head.  
  
"I'm Ian Thornhart, and this is my son, Daniel," Ian introduced himself, repositioning the baby in his arms to shake the young man's hand.  
  
'Ian. Ian, Ian, Ian.'  
  
The name resonated through Rafe's mind. He knew he knew that name from somewhere...  
  
"So... You went to Kelly's, huh?" asked Ian, attempting to make some sort of small talk.  
  
Where in the hell was Lucy? This kid was her family, not his.  
  
"Excuse me, 'Kelly's?'" Rafe repeated, confused.  
  
Danny gurgled and Ian shifted him from one arm to the other, patting him gently on the back.  
  
Ian nodded toward the item in Rafe's hands.  
  
"The box."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
Rafe managed a weak smile.  
  
"I, uh- I brought muffins. I don't know anything about the baker. I came in a cab, and I just asked the driver to stop somewhere so I could get 'em."  
  
"Oh, that was sweet of you," said Ian, processing the information. "Well, I guess we should put them in the kitchen, huh? Follow me."  
  
Ian turned and little Daniel's cherubic face popped into Rafe's view. The baby turned his head from side to side, studying the visitor.  
  
Eager to avoid the child's awkward stares, Rafe quickly positioned himself next to Ian, following him back through the family room and into the kitchen... 


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16  
  
Can you fill me in?  
Let me know what's up  
-Craig David, "Fill Me In (Part 2)"  
  
  
Once inside the kitchen, Rafe unloaded his arms, placing the muffin box on the room's wooden table.  
  
"Have a seat," Ian offered, placing Danny back in his highchair.  
  
The baby immediately resumed eating his Cheerios.  
  
"Lucy's upstairs with Christina," Ian explained, "but she'll be down in a minute. I don't know what Alison's doing... Can I get you a cup of coffee?"  
  
"Uh, sure," said Rafe. "Thank you."  
  
Ian removed a mug from one of the kitchen cabinets and filled it halfway with the dark liquid. He handed it to Rafe and then seated himself across the table from the youth.  
  
"I'm sorry," Rafe began nervously, "but are we related? I mean, I don't think I have any Irish relatives..."  
  
He thought for a moment, scratching his chin.  
  
"...but I didn't think I had any in America either, did I?"  
  
Rafe laughed nervously. Ian didn't.  
  
"No, we're not related," the older man said, deadpan. "Danny and I, we're just friends of the family. I work with Kevin at the hospital."  
  
Rafe's ears perked up.  
  
"Oh, are you a doctor, too? I was hoping maybe Kevin could check me out, you know. I thought he might be able to give me a little insight into my 'condition,' as you called it."  
  
Ian was silent for a moment before speaking.  
  
"Uh, Kevin's not here right now, but maybe I can help you. Alison said that you had some sort of amnesia."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Rafe nodded emphatically, his eyes glued to the doctor.  
  
"Well, what do you remember?" questioned Ian curiously.  
  
"Well..."  
  
Rafe smiled.  
  
"I know who I am, Rafe Kovich. I can remember everything - I think - 'til early 1991. After that, it's just a blank."  
  
"Rafe," said Ian gently. "You do know this is 2002, don't you?"  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
Rafe nodded again.  
  
"I know that it's May, 2002. That's about all I'm sure of at the moment."  
  
He scratched his head, his brow furrowing in thought.  
  
"I went to a doctor about a week ago, uh, a Dr. Francis Porter. He took a look at me and said I should just keep a low profile, you know, stay in and try to relax. He thought that, if I just gave it some time, my memory would come back on its own."  
  
"Really? You don't say," Ian murmured thoughtfully.  
  
"Why? What do you think?"  
  
Rafe leaned forward, resting his forearms on the tabletop. He was anxious to hear Dr. Thornhart's opinion.  
  
Noticing the young man's concern, Ian tried to calm him.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing. I've heard of Dr. Porter before. He's a good man, a fine doctor. It's just... Why did he tell you to stay in? If you were my patient, I would have advised you to go and seek out every place and every person missing from your memory. I probably would've even suggested you see a specialist just to make sure everything checked out okay."  
  
"Hmm..."  
  
Rafe pondered this new information carefully.  
  
Livvie took him to see Dr. Porter. She spoke with the doctor about what sort of treatment he should receive. Rafe just did what she told him...  
  
"Rafe, you're here!"  
  
The young man's honey-blond head snapped toward the kitchen door. There stood Lucy, with little Christina in her arms.  
  
"Oh, Rafe," Lucy gushed, depositing Christina on the chair next to him and then throwing her arms around his startled neck. "Cousin, I've missed you!" 


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17  
  
All's I need is the air I breathe  
And my friends and family to believe in me  
-Trik Turner, "Friends and Family"  
  
  
Lucy greeted her startled cousin with loud kisses on each of his cheeks as Christina giggled beside her.  
  
"Oh, Rafe," Lucy gushed, scooping Christina off the chair and into her arms.  
  
Lucy sat down beside her cousin, plopping Christina onto her lap.  
  
"I don't know what happened to you or why you're back, but I'm so glad that you are. And, Rafe, we'll figure it all out in time. I'm sure of it."  
  
She smiled, squeezing his hand affectionately.  
  
The other people in the room couldn't help but smile as well.  
  
'Alison was right,' thought Rafe happily. 'Lucy's optimism is infectious.'  
  
"So..."  
  
Lucy glanced at her cousin curiously.  
  
"Can we get you anything? Have you had breakfast yet?"  
  
She frowned.  
  
"I'm sorry to say that we weren't quite expecting you so early. Otherwise, I would have prepared something to offer you..."  
  
"Oh, no, I'm sorry," interjected Rafe apologetically. "I didn't know my way; or, I couldn't remember... Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I got here on time."  
  
"Actually, Lucy," Ian interrupted. "Rafe brought muffins."  
  
"Well, that was certainly sweet of you, cousin," said Lucy, smiling once again. "You were always such an angel."  
  
Rafe could feel himself start to blush.  
  
"You know what, though, as much as I'd love to talk with you, I think I know someone who'd enjoy it even more."  
  
Rafe eyed her curiously, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Alison," explained Lucy. "Ian, where's Alison?"  
  
"I haven't seen her yet this morning," said Ian, skimming through the morning newspaper. "She's probably still sleeping."  
  
"That girl," Lucy murmured, shaking her head in amazement. "She can sleep through anything. I would really hate to wake her. She needs her rest, but I know she would love to see you. You were earlier than we expected, and-"  
  
"Lucy, you don't need to apologize," Rafe assured her, smiling politely. "I certainly don't want to wake her. Like you said, we have plenty of time, right?"  
  
"Oh, boy..."  
  
Lucy's face fell.  
  
"You really don't remember any of us, do you? Not even Alison?  
  
"Rafe, sweetie, she was up half the night. She was so anxious about seeing you again, I thought she'd never get to sleep. And, as much as I'd like to see her get her rest, I know that she'd hate to miss out on a single second of being with you."  
  
Rafe couldn't help but smile.  
  
It sounded as though he and Alison were so deeply in love. He just wished he could remember, but he couldn't...  
  
  
***  
  
  
Rafe stared down in wonder.  
  
Before him, sleeping peacefully, lay Alison. She looked so beautiful, her light-blonde hair splayed against the pillow below it.  
  
He hated to wake her, but, if what Lucy said were true, she'd thank him in the end. He hoped.  
  
"Alison," he whispered, setting himself down on the bed beside her gently. "Alison, come on."  
  
He smiled, gently caressing her face.  
  
Lucy told him to touch her, assuring him she'd wake. He really just couldn't help himself...  
  
"It's time to wake up, Alison."  
  
Slowly but surely, his sleeping beauty opened her eyes.  
  
"'Morning, angel," Rafe whispered, smiling... 


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18  
  
You're the reason I live  
You're the reason I die  
You're the reason I give  
When I break down and cry  
Don't need no reason why  
-Aerosmith, "Angel"  
  
  
"'Morning, angel."  
  
Alison nearly fell out of bed. She'd been using her hands to slide up and against the headboard so she could sit up and properly address Rafe, but her elbows betrayed her and buckled. Luckily, she didn't fall, and she managed to sit up after all.  
  
"What did you just say?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"Good morning?" guessed Rafe innocently.  
  
"No, after that."  
  
A slight blush spread across his cheeks.  
  
"I called you 'angel,'" Rafe admitted, smiling for God knew what reason.  
  
He couldn't help it.  
  
Did all the women in his family make him this happy? He must have been the luckiest man on the planet...  
  
Alison sat, resting against the headboard, dumbstruck.  
  
"I don't know why," continued Rafe. "You just- You just looked so beautiful and so peaceful that I couldn't help it."  
  
He placed a finger to his lips and that irrepressible smile of his.  
  
"You know what, Alison? It doesn't matter why I said it. It's true. You are my angel. Somehow, you found me, and you reintroduced me to this city and these people. You brought me back to my family, and I don't care how much time it takes. I know in my heart that I will remember, one way or another."  
  
"Wait, time!" exclaimed Alison, finally regaining her senses. "Rafe, do you have your watch? You know, your pocket watch?"  
  
"Yeah," he said, not knowing where she was going with the question.  
  
He reached into his pants pocket and retrieved it.  
  
Alison reached for the watch, and he willingly handed it to her.  
  
It was just a watch. He didn't understand why it meant so much to her...  
  
Alison released the faceplate and examined the watch carefully.  
  
"You don't have to tell me that I'm early, really early," Rafe assured her. "Lucy already told me. I was just so excited. I couldn't wait-"  
  
"Twelve numbers," murmured Alison. "There's twelve numbers here."  
  
"Yeah, twelve, clockwise numbers," Rafe agreed. "It's a watch. What'd you expect?"  
  
"Rafe, Rafe, listen to me," said Alison, placing her hands over his. "It's really important that we find out what happened to you. We don't know how much time you have left here."  
  
"How much time I have left?" Rafe repeated, taken aback. "Alison, what are you talking about?"  
  
Alison sighed, threading her fingers through the hair closest to her scalp.  
  
"It's really long story. Trust me."  
  
"Well, you said we don't have a lot of time," said Rafe. "So start talking, please. I need to know everything. Who am I? Who am I really?"  
  
Rubbing the leftover sleep from her eyes, and repositioning herself so that she was more comfortable, Alison began her tale.  
  
"Alright, Rafe, I'll tell you everything, or, at least, what I know.  
  
"You first met Lucy back in Transylvania, about a year ago. She and Kevin - They weren't married then - they went there to try and research her background, see where she came from, because, like you, Lucy didn't really know anything about her family either."  
  
"So we just sort of ran into each other, and then I came back to the States with her and Kevin?" Rafe speculated.  
  
"No, at first you sort of just hung out, you know, spent a little time together. Lucy and Kevin, they wanted you to come back with them, but you said you couldn't. Later on, though, you showed up here, in Port Charles."  
  
Rafe's brow furrowed.  
  
"I don't understand. Why wouldn't I accept their offer and come back with them?" he asked, scratching his head. "Wouldn't I want to spend as much time as possible with my new family?"  
  
Sighing, Alison rested her head in her hands.  
  
"Please," Rafe implored her, lifting her chin with his hand. "Please tell me, Alison."  
  
"Well, Rafe..."  
  
She paused.  
  
"You may think I'm an angel, but what brought you to Port Charles was anything but angelic. In fact, it came straight from hell itself..." 


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19   
  
You come out at night  
That's when the energy comes  
And the dark side's light  
And the vampires roam  
-Sarah McLachlan, "Building a Mystery"   
  
  
Rafe couldn't believe his ears.   
  
"You're joking," he said incredulously. "The only reason I came here, the only reason I found this place and found all of you was because of Caleb? That thing? That monster? That-"   
  
"Vampire?" Alison interjected.   
  
Rafe stared at her in disbelief.   
  
"How did you know that?" he asked, taken aback by her comment.   
  
Alison rolled her eyes.   
  
There were so many things Rafe didn't know, so many she'd have to explain to him. She hated it. She hated all of it.   
  
"Rafe, listen to me," said Alison, gently placing her hands on top of his. "Listen to me carefully. Remember when we were in the church and I told you I knew everything about you?"   
  
He nodded, never breaking eye contact with her.   
  
"Well, one of those things I know is Caleb. I know what he is, a vampire, and I know what you are, a slayer."   
  
"H-How-?"   
  
Rafe was so bewildered, so flabbergasted, he could barely speak.   
  
How could Livvie and now Alison know his secret, his deepest, most intimate secret? Who else knew?   
  
"Late last year, when you first came to Port Charles," explained Alison, "you showed up here, on Kevin and Lucy's doorstep. You told them you were a slayer and that you would help destroy Caleb, once and for all."   
  
"Great," Rafe muttered. "So Kevin and Lucy know, too? Who else?"   
  
Alison looked down, purposefully avoiding his eyes.   
  
"Alison," said Rafe, through clenched teeth.   
  
The blonde's head popped back up.   
  
"Um…"   
  
She listed a couple names, counting on her fingertips.   
  
"Ian and his wife, Eve…"   
  
Rafe leaned back against the headboard, shaking his head in amazement.   
  
"Basically," Alison said gently, placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, "everyone who knew you, at least here in Port Charles."   
  
Rafe whimpered, covering his face with his hands.   
  
"How could I be so stupid?" he scolded himself, lifting his hands emphatically. "No one can know what I do. It's so dangerous, and I don't want anybody I care about to get hurt… God!"   
  
He shook his head again.   
  
"Hey, Rafe, look at me… please," Alison pleaded, grasping his hand. "It would have been just as dangerous for us if we had to deal with Caleb on our own. We needed your help, no matter what the cost."   
  
Still, Rafe shook his head.   
  
"No, Alison, it just doesn't make sense. I've been tracking Caleb since '91, just waiting for him. Why would it take another ten years for me to finally kill him?   
  
"I mean… I hated him, Alison. I mean, I really, really hated him. I still do. I wanted to make him pay for everything he'd ever done, every life he'd ever taken. Why would I wait ten years?   
  
"Back home, I was so close to catching him, so close, but he must've gotten away. He must have tricked me somehow because, let's face it. The way I felt, there was no way I'd let him get away. I mean, the only way I'd let him go was over my dead body, and, I'm still here, so we know that didn't happen."   
  
Rafe chuckled.   
  
Alison was silent, casting her eyes downward.   
  
"Hey?"   
  
Now it was Rafe's turn to comfort her, and he did so, tilting her face upward with his hands, and caressing her cheek with his thumb.   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
A lone tear dropped down her face, and he wiped it away with his thumb.   
  
"Alison?" he whispered, concerned.   
  
Sniffling, Alison wiped her face with her hands.   
  
She didn't want Rafe to see her like this. This wasn't her.   
  
This whole situation was just wrong. It was so, so wrong…   
  
Why had God done this to her? He'd brought Rafe back to her, and for that she would be eternally grateful, but why this? Why would He want to put her through - No, put Rafe through - the pain, the agony of really knowing what happened to him all those years ago? Why?   
  
"Rafe…"   
  
Alison swallowed loudly, covering her mouth with a nervously balled fist.   
  
She had to tell him…   
  
"Rafe, you were dead… Caleb, he- he killed you." 


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20  
  
I would do anything for love  
I'd run right into hell and back  
I would do anything for love  
But I'll never lie to you, and that's a fact  
-Meat Loaf, "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)"   
  
  
After Alison's disclosure, an awkward silence filled the room. It lasted only a moment, after which Rafe released a hearty laugh.   
  
Alison stared at him, absolutely bewildered.   
  
"I'm sorry," Rafe laughed. "I thought you just said I was dead. Come on, Alison. Now, tell me the truth. What really happened?"   
  
"Rafe, you were dead," Alison repeated, this time more firmly.   
  
Rafe stopped laughing and took a good look at his friend. Her face was red, her big blue eyes full of tears. She looked so upset, like she actually believed her story, but he knew it couldn't be true. It just couldn't!   
  
"Alison," he said gently, brushing a loose piece of hair away from her face. "I think that these past couple days have been a little too stressful for you, and my coming over here and waking you up so early probably didn't help. Lucy said you were up late last night and that you need your sleep, so why don't you just get some rest? We can talk later…"   
  
He stood.   
  
"No, Rafe!" exclaimed Alison, jumping up and grasping his forearm. "You can't go. You really need to listen to me. There are things about you that only I know, and you need to know them, too, as soon as possible. Please, just listen to what I have to say, and then you can go. Please."   
  
He noticed the terror in her eyes. What was so important?   
  
Rafe sat down again, determined to find out.   
  
"Alright, Alison," said he. "I'm listening."   
  
"Thank you," Alison replied, taking a deep breath.   
  
She had to calm down and tell him. She had to make him believe her.  
  
It was truly a matter of life and death... 


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21   
  
Words won't get me through it  
Don't make me prove it   
-Veruca Salt, "Don't Make Me Prove It"   
  
  
"So… Let me get this straight," Rafe began, facing his companion. "Caleb killed me - eleven years ago, mind you - but I'm still here, on earth, with you and my family."   
  
Alison nodded emphatically.   
  
She simply couldn't think of anything to say. How was anyone supposed to go about telling a loved one that they were dead?   
  
"No," Rafe said defiantly, standing. "It just doesn't make sense, Alison!"   
  
He began to pace back and forth by her bedside.   
  
"It just doesn't make any sense. There has to be something you're not telling me."   
  
"Like what?" she wanted to know. "You weren't exactly forthcoming with the details, not that I blame you. All I knew was who did and it and when. You wouldn't tell me anything else."   
  
Rafe stopped his pacing and glared at her.   
  
"Okay, Alison, so if I told you all that, then you tell me. When did I die?"   
  
"April 12, 1991," she replied sadly and without any hesitation.   
  
"April…" Rafe murmured.   
  
He couldn't remember anything past March of 1991. It could be possible that Alison was telling the truth…   
  
'No!' his mind screamed at him.   
  
He refused to believe it. He couldn't.   
  
"Alison, why should I believe any of what you just told me?" he asked, staring her straight in the eye.   
  
"Why would I lie to you?" she asked in return, her gaze never wandering from his own.   
  
'Good eye contact,' thought Rafe, impressed.   
  
Alison hadn't lied to him up to this point - that he knew, anyway.   
  
Livvie had said she was duplicitous, though. Maybe he should have paid more attention to her…   
  
Sighing deeply, Alison lifted the covers off herself, climbed out of bed, and approached him.   
  
Rafe watched, his heart suddenly in his throat, as she drew near, her petite figure clad only in a thin, pink, cotton camisole-and-shorts set.   
  
'She seems innocent enough,' he reconsidered, swallowing.   
  
Why were her movements making him so nervous? He couldn't understand…   
  
"Rafe," began Alison, pausing to stand directly in front of him. "What if I told you I could prove my story? Would you believe me then?"   
  
'Come any closer, and I'll believe anything you say,' he thought to himself.   
  
There was barely any space between them, and Rafe had never felt so uncomfortable in his entire life.   
  
There he was, standing alone in a bedroom with a beautiful girl who claimed she was his wife and wanted to spend the rest of her life loving him. What man wouldn't be affected?   
  
This situation, however, was much different. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He had to concentrate at the situation on hand…   
  
"Rafe?" repeated Alison, snapping him out of his reverie.   
  
He swallowed loudly.   
  
"I think- I think it would depend on the proof."   
  
There, he'd said it.   
  
Okay, he could handle this situation. He could…   
  
Alison nodded, processing this information.   
  
She wasn't sure if her plan would work, but anything was worth a try, wasn't it?   
  
"Alright, Rafe," she stated resolutely, crossing her arms over her chest. "Take off your shirt."   
  
Rafe blinked in amazement. What did she just say?   
  
Suddenly, he could feel all of his supposed control just slipping away… 


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22  
  
You say, "I will show you mine, if you will show me yours"  
And, one-by-one, we're throwing all our clothing on the floor  
-LFO, "I Will Show You Mine"   
  
  
"Excuse me?" said Rafe, looking down suspiciously at the woman in front of him.   
  
"You heard me," Alison replied. "Take off your shirt."   
  
He chuckled uneasily.   
  
"You're not serious."   
  
Alison glared at him, and Rafe stopped laughing.   
  
"You are serious."   
  
"Of course I am," Alison informed him. "You said you'd believe me if I could prove my story to you, so that's what I'm going to do. Now, take off your shirt."   
  
Rafe stared at her silently.   
  
How was he supposed to react?   
  
Alison groaned, frustrated at his hesitation.   
  
"Rafe," she said, scratching her head. "I know you can't remember, but I've seen you shirtless before. There's no reason for you to be nervous."   
  
He glanced at her, raising an eyebrow curiously.   
  
Now why would she think he'd be nervous? There was nothing to be nervous about, he kept telling himself, just a beautiful girl asking him to take off his clothes. See, nothing to be nervous about…   
  
Alison sighed.   
  
"Rafe," she asked, "would it make you more comfortable if I took off my shirt, too?"   
  
"No!" he shouted suddenly.   
  
'Oh, no, that would not make me more comfortable,' Rafe thought uneasily.   
  
Alison looked at him curiously.   
  
"Well, Rafe, I told you that I could prove my story, if you let me. The question is: What are we going to do about it?"   
  
"Fine, Alison, fine," he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.   
  
He didn't know how this was going to help, but anything was worth a try...   
  
Taking a deep breath, Rafe lifted his hands to the collar of his olive-green shirt and slowly began to unbutton it... 


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23   
  
I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
-Sarah McLachlan, "I Will Remember You"   
  
  
Alison watched with baited breath as Rafe removed his shirt, tossing it on the rumpled bed sheets next to them.   
  
He looked so beautiful, just like she remembered. How she wanted him, right then and there, on Lucy's guest bed…   
  
She'd already waited two months for him. How much longer would it take for him to remember?   
  
'Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction,' she thought, smiling mischieviously...   
  
'No, Alison, no,' her conscience scolded her. 'You have to wait. There'll be plenty of time for that later. Right now, you have a job to do. Now, let's get this over with.'   
  
She slowly inched her way even closer to him, eyeing every exposed bit of him carefully.   
  
"What happened to your chain?" she asked softly, her finger tracing an imaginary line down his chest to where the silver fleur-de-lis used to lie.   
  
Rafe's body trembled involuntarily at her touch. No woman had ever made him feel this way…   
  
"I mu- I must have misplaced it somewhere," he stammered.   
  
Did she know how crazy she was making him? She must have. After all, she did say she knew everything about him…   
  
"Oh," Alison whispered, a hint of disappointment evident in her voice.   
  
Placing a hand on his left shoulder blade, she stepped around him, positioning herself so that she could get a good look at his back. Her remaining hand traveled slowly down his muscular back.   
  
She appeared to be looking for something… He just didn't know what…   
  
Rafe swallowed loudly.   
  
"Find what you were looking for?" he asked, turning his head toward her.   
  
Alison smiled up at him weakly.   
  
She could see the little hairs on the back his neck, the ones she told Rebecca about, standing straight up. Rafe's mind might not have remembered her, but his body sure did…   
  
The sad part was that she remembered him, too. In this case, she had really wanted to be wrong, but she wasn't. The proof was there, exactly where she'd remembered…   
  
Silently, she took Rafe's hand in hers and led him to the room's vanity mirror.   
  
"Alison?" he asked, concerned. "What-?"   
  
She grabbed a small, handheld mirror and positioned it behind him, so that its image reflected onto the larger mirror.   
  
"Oh, my God," Rafe murmured in amazement.   
  
He reached behind himself, his fingers resting on a small, raised patch of his skin on his back.   
  
It was a scar, and he knew what'd caused it…   
  
"Caleb really did kill me." 


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24  
  
I threw some things  
I smashed some things  
What happens next?  
I haven't figured out yet  
-Evan and Jaron, "Couldn't Care Less About"   
  
"Caleb killed me."   
  
Rafe stood motionless, his face blank.   
  
He didn't know how to process the news. At that moment, he didn't know anything.   
  
He was surprised he still remembered to breathe. It wasn't like he needed to... He was already dead!   
  
Alison quietly eased herself away from him, climbing back onto the bed. She wanted to give him his space because she wasn't sure how he would react.   
  
"I'm dead," Rafe muttered angrily. "I'm dead!"   
  
His hazel eyes clouded over with rage.   
  
"Damn you, Caleb!" he roared suddenly, smashing the vanity mirror with his fist.   
  
  
***  
  
  
"Rafe!" Alison shrieked, rushing to his side.   
  
She took his injured hand in hers, carefully surveying the damage. His knuckles were bleeding profusely, and she didn't know what to do.   
  
Luckily, fate stepped in.   
  
"Alison! Rafe!" Lucy shouted, throwing upon the guestroom door. "Are you two okay? I heard-"   
  
Her eyes darted from her shirtless cousin's bloody knuckles, to the scantily clad Alison, to the shattered mirror before them.   
  
"-a crash."   
  
"We had a little accident," explained Alison meekly, forcing a smile.   
  
"Oh," Lucy murmured thoughtfully. "You had an accident."   
  
She smiled, too, taking a deep breath, before screaming, "Ian!" 


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25   
  
It's all right if you fall  
You are human, after all  
But it hurts when you land  
-Fisher, "Human"   
  
  
Minutes later, Rafe, Alison, Ian, and Lucy found themselves in the family room at the lighthouse. Upstairs, Danny napped, while an episode of "Blue's Clues" entertained Christina…   
  
Gritting his teeth, Rafe hissed in pain as Ian bandaged his injured hand.   
  
"There you go," the doctor commented, releasing the appendage. "Just see me again in a couple of weeks, and I'll take those stitches out for you."   
  
Rafe remained silent, grimacing slightly as he used his bandaged fist to put on and rebutton his shirt.   
  
"Thank you, Ian," said Alison, placing a hand on the doctor's shoulder affectionately as he packed up his medical bag. "We really appreciate your help."   
  
"It's no problem," the Irishman assured her sympathetically.   
  
"I don't understand why you won't let us take you to the hospital, cousin," Lucy interjected, concerned.   
  
"Ha! Hospital," Rafe muttered under his breath, plopping down on the couch. "A lot of good that'd do me."   
  
Alison glared at him silently.   
  
"What did you just say?" Lucy asked suspiciously, eyeing her cousin curiously.   
  
Rafe opened his mouth to speak, but Alison jumped to his defense before he could say a word.   
  
"Something I told Rafe about his past upset him, and he sort of… lashed out," she explained weakly.   
  
Lucy's ears perked up.   
  
"Oh," she murmured. "Did you learn anything about what happened to you?"   
  
"Well, apparently, I'm dead," Rafe informed her, deadpan.   
  
"Oh…"   
  
Lucy's body suddenly began to sway back and forth.   
  
Rafe sighed, shaking his head, as Alison and Ian rushed to Lucy's side.   
  
Ian arrived behind her, just in time to catch his friend as she passed out... 


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26   
  
I got some skeletons in my closet  
And I don't know if no one knows it  
So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it  
I'm-a expose it  
-Eminem, "Cleanin' Out My Closet"   
  
"I can't believe you said that!" Alison scolded Rafe, her eyes wide in amazement.   
  
"What, so now we have a secret?" he snapped back. "I mean, this could just be me, but I thought that I'd be a little more inconspicuous as a vampire slayer than as a dead man!"   
  
Alison rolled her eyes.   
  
"What is wrong with this town?" Rafe moaned, putting his head in his hands.   
  
A few feet away from them, Lucy lay unconscious, sprawled out on the couch, with Ian attending to her.   
  
'Well, at least we had a doctor,' thought Alison glumly.   
  
"Ugh…"   
  
Lucy stirred, groaning in discomfort.   
  
"Rafe…" she whispered hoarsely, struggling to sit up.   
  
Ian helped her up, while Alison offered their host a glass of water.   
  
But Lucy didn't want the water; she waved it off.   
  
"Rafe," she insisted.   
  
The young man glanced at Alison, who shrugged in confusion. How was she supposed to know what Lucy wanted?   
  
"Don't just sit there!" Ian barked. "Get over here!"   
  
The doctor's outburst startled his young patient, and Rafe jumped to his cousin's side.   
  
Alison bit her lip anxiously, unsure what to expect…   
  
"Rafe…"   
  
Lucy swallowed, the saliva returning to soothe her dry throat.   
  
"I can see it," she murmured in wonder, cupping her cousin's face in her hands tightly.   
  
"See what?" Rafe mumbled from between her fingers.   
  
In her earnestness, Lucy had pushed in his cheeks, causing his lips to pucker excessively.   
  
Alison thought he looked really cute, like a goldfish, and if she weren't so mystified by Lucy's behavior, she probably would have told him so.   
  
"I see you, cousin," Lucy clarified, staring into his eyes in amazement. "I finally see you."   
  
Rafe's hazel eyes darted away from her gaze. For one of the few times in his life, he was trying to avoid eye contact. Why?   
  
"That's because I'm right in front of you, Lucy," he replied, still avoiding her gaze.   
  
"No, I see you, Rafe," Lucy repeated, dumbfounded. "I see you, just like Doc saw Paige."   
  
"Who's Paige?" Rafe wanted to know.   
  
Alison and Ian were too stunned to say anything, let alone answer his question.   
  
Lucy smiled warmly.   
  
"You're an angel," she said sweetly.   
  
"What?" Rafe and Ian asked in unison, shocked.   
  
The two men's heads snapped around to face the person they knew would hold all the answers.   
  
"Alison!" they cried, again in unison.   
  
"I- How- Who-" stammered Alison incoherently.   
  
All of the sudden, she was beginning to feel very dizzy…   
  
The room started to spin around her, and she lost her footing, falling, falling, falling… into darkness… 


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27   
  
Digging deep, I feel my conscience burn  
I need to know who and what I am   
-Kendall Payne, "Closer to Myself"   
  
  
"I knew it!" Lucy exclaimed gleefully, dancing around the lighthouse family room. "I knew I was right!"   
  
"Lucy, Alison fainted. She did not confirm your theory," Ian warned her dryly.   
  
"Yeah, but she didn't deny it either!" Lucy chirped happily.   
  
'Oh, life in this town just keeps getting weirder and weirder,' he thought, shaking his head incredulously…   
  
  
***   
  
  
"Alison? Alison?" Rafe called hopefully, stroking her face.   
  
The tiny blonde lay unconscious on the couch before him, breathing peacefully.   
  
"Ah!" he groaned.   
  
Frustrated, he got up from his crouching position in front of the couch and stood, snapping, "Why won't she wake up?"   
  
"Alison's been through a lot these past couple months," Ian informed him curtly. "Leave her alone. She could use the rest."   
  
"But I need answers!" whined Rafe, pouting.   
  
"For heaven's sake, calm down," Ian retorted, fed up with his antics. "You're not the only one."   
  
"Yeah, well, excuse me if I happen to be the only dead one here," muttered Rafe under his breath.   
  
"Hey! Hey!" yelled Lucy, stepping in between the two men.   
  
Her voice softened, as she remembered the sleeping girl nearby.   
  
"Since Alison appears to be… out, and we don't know when she'll wake up, why don't we try solving this puzzle ourselves?"   
  
Rafe and Ian glared at her, clearly unconvinced.   
  
"No, I'm serious!" she exclaimed, her dark eyes twinkling mischievously. "Come on, cousin, we're slayers. How difficult can it be?"   
  
Rafe rolled his eyes.   
  
"We just need to put all the pieces together," Lucy continued.   
  
"In the correct order," Ian reminded her.   
  
"Thank you, Dr. Thornhart," said Lucy, smiling appreciatively. "See! We can do it! We're working together already!"   
  
She threw her arms around the men beside her, creating a Lucy sandwich.   
  
"This is going to be a piece of cake," she announced happily, oblivious to the scowling men on either side of her… 


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28   
  
There's bound to be a question  
You're just dying for me to ask  
-Kendall Payne, "Honest"   
  
"So…" began Lucy, pursing her lips.   
  
Full of nervous energy, she drummed her fingers against the kitchen table, where she, Ian, and Rafe sat.   
  
"Where do we start?"   
  
Ian scoffed and Rafe rolled his eyes once again.   
  
"Geez, you two are so uncooperative!" she exclaimed unhappily, leaning back in her chair.   
  
"I'm sorry," said Ian, crossing his arms over his chest. "I simply refuse to believe that this" - He nodded to Rafe - "kid is an angel. Lucy, there must be some other explanation for all this."   
  
Needless to say, Rafe was a little insulted by the older man's comment.   
  
"What?" he asked Ian, crossing his own arms over his chest. "Are you saying you don't think I could be an angel?"   
  
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying," retorted Ian, puffing out his chest in what Lucy assumed was some show of machismo.   
  
"Will you two just give it up?" she shrieked, clearly miffed by the whole situation. "You're giving me a headache!"   
  
"God, and I thought I was the only one," mumbled Alison, stumbling into the kitchen.   
  
"Alison," said Rafe, breathing a sigh of relief.   
  
Now he could finally get the answers he was looking for…   
  
"Oh, Alison," gushed Lucy, springing from her seat. "Come on in. Sit down. I'm so sorry we woke you."   
  
Alison politely obliged and allowed Lucy to seat her on the wooden chair next to Rafe.   
  
"Are you okay?" Rafe asked the young woman, the concern evident in his face.   
  
Just because he wanted answers didn't mean he wanted the poor girl to suffer…   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," she assured him, smiling weakly.   
  
"Here, drink this," offered Ian, handing her a fresh cup of coffee. "It'll help wake you up."   
  
"Thanks," she replied, taking the steaming cup from him.   
  
Ian nodded and returned to his seat.   
  
At last, they were all seated. Now, they could all finally learn the truth…   
  
"Alright," stated Alison, setting her cup down on the table. "I guess you'll all waiting for me to talk."   
  
She sighed, rubbing her temples tiredly.   
  
"Where would you like me to start?"   
  
"From the beginning," requested Lucy eagerly. "From the very beginning." 


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29  
  
There ain't nothin' you can say  
So don't come sing "Amazing Grace"  
There ain't nothin' you can do  
So don't come give your point of view  
-Kina, "Have a Cry"   
  
  
"Wow…"   
  
Lucy could not believe the story she'd just heard, what she'd just seen. It was incredible!   
  
"Wow…" she repeated, awestruck.   
  
"Wait a second," interjected Ian, raising his hands to gain his companions' attention. "You're saying that he…"   
  
He nodded across the table at Rafe.   
  
"…is an angel, sent back to earth to accomplish some task that he doesn't even know about?"   
  
The new information Alison offered them didn't impress him at all. Why? He didn't believe any of it. He couldn't!   
  
Alison was silent a moment before speaking.   
  
"Well… Yeah."   
  
Rubbing his temples, the doctor released a heavy sigh.   
  
"Ian, why don't you believe me?" the young blonde wanted to know. "I mean, what more proof could you possibly need?"   
  
"Come on, Ian," said Lucy, siding with her young guest. "Alison's right. You and I- we saw the scar ourselves. Rafe's dead."   
  
Her cousin glared at her.   
  
"You don't need to repeat it," he snapped, aggravated. "I think we all heard Alison the first time."   
  
Noticing his reaction, Lucy immediately apologized.   
  
"I'm sorry, cousin, but you are… kinda."   
  
Lucy's brow furrowed as her mind tried futilely to correctly categorize the young man.   
  
"I'm sorry," stated Ian, folding his arms over his chest. "I just cannot believe it!"   
  
"What more do you want?" asked Lucy, frustrated.   
  
The truth was there, staring him straight in the face, but Ian wouldn't believe it!   
  
"I want my wife!" roared Ian, springing from his seat. "Why does this… kid get to come back for something he doesn't even understand when Eve has a husband and a son, and she's gone? It's not fair!"   
  
Lucy nodded sympathetically.   
  
"You're right, Ian," she said, placing a gentle hand over his clenched fist. "Life in this universe isn't fair. I think our current situations have taught us all that."   
  
Ian shook his head vehemently, backing away from the table and toward the door.   
  
"I'm sorry," he apologized, his voice cracking ever-so-slightly. "I have to check on my son."   
  
And, with that, he was gone.   
  
"Eve's death was so hard on him," Alison murmured. "I wish there was something we could do."   
  
"But there isn't," Lucy informed her gently.   
  
She shook her long, brown locks sadly.   
  
"There isn't."  
  
Politely excusing herself, Lucy ducked out of the kitchen and went upstairs to check on Ian and the children... 


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30   
  
Now it's all in your hands, and it feels so beautiful  
Now you can lay them all on me as much as you like  
-Lamb, "All in Your Hands"   
  
  
"When…" began Rafe uneasily. "Ian's wife…. When did she… pass?"   
  
"Uh, a couple months ago, the same day you left," Alison explained.   
  
"Did she-"   
  
He paused a moment before continuing.   
  
"Did she go with me?"   
  
Biting her lip nervously, Alison nodded.   
  
"Did I-"   
  
Rafe blinked away the tears that had begun developing in his hazel eyes.   
  
"Did- Did I take her with me?"   
  
Wiping away tears of her own, Alison nodded again.   
  
"You didn't know it was going to be Eve. You just knew it would be someone…"   
  
She couldn't bring herself to say any more. She just couldn't…   
  
Startled, Rafe gathered up his jacket and stood.   
  
"Please tell Lucy and Ian that I really…"   
  
He scoffed, smiling bitterly.   
  
"…enjoyed meeting them… and the kids."   
  
Alison smiled weakly, her baby-blues glistening with tears.   
  
"I just- I need to go somewhere quiet and think."   
  
Sniffling, Alison nodded and led him to the front door.   
  
"Let me know if there's anything you need," she urged him, placing a sympathetic hand on his arm. "Anything."   
  
Rafe managed a small smile of his own.   
  
"You'll be the first person I call," he said, dropping a light kiss on her cheek before walking out the door.   
  
Alison silently shut the door behind him.   
  
Leaning against its wooden frame, she touched her cheek - the same one he'd kissed only seconds earlier - and whispered, "I love you, Rafe Kovich, whether you remember me or not. I love you." 


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31   
  
How did I end up here  
Closer to nowhere and in the middle of nothing?  
And I am one step back from where I was  
Spinning in circles gets old after a while  
-Blyss (today's Lifehouse), "What's Wrong With That?"   
  
  
Rafe paced the family room uneasily. He had to do something; he knew he did. He just didn't know what exactly.   
  
The only thing he did know was that pacing was not helping anything. When he got this jittery, as he often did, only one thing calmed him: his journal.   
  
Unfortunately, his journal was missing at the moment. In her message inside the new journal he'd found, Alison'd said that he threw out his old one, but why would he do that? Why would he throw away his most treasured possession?   
  
It just didn't make sense. Nothing in his life seemed to make sense anymore... except Alison.   
  
He knew that he loved her. Every part of his being told him that. He just couldn't feel it.   
  
That was what tortured him, what stung more than the realization that he was no longer alive: that absence of feeling.   
  
He'd spent his entire life studying the supernatural. It wasn't that difficult for him to believe in the existence of angels. After the initial shock of learning that he was one of those angels, he'd come to accept the idea. But he just could not accept everything else.   
  
He loved his job and everything that came with it. He'd never resented his calling and the responsibilities that it entailed. But, somewhere, in the back of his mind, he'd always wondered, 'Is this it? Is this all I am? Is this all God has planned for me?'   
  
He came from a long line of Kovich slayers. The most recent was his uncle, Valint (Bah-leent), who'd inherited the job when his father, Rafe's grandfather, passed away.   
  
That's what happened with slayers; they acted valiantly 'til the inevitably bitter end. "Papa" Rafe, his grandson's namesake, was killed in action, as was his son. Next it was Little Rafe's turn.   
  
Elena Kovich loved her son dearly. He was her entire world.   
  
She'd grown up listening to her father and her older brother's stories of vampires, demons, and the like. And she'd wanted none of it. All she'd ever wanted was for her son to live a normal, quiet life. But, for a Kovich, that was an impossibility.   
  
Still, she'd tried her best to reason with her family, stating that "Ray" was too young to train, too young to take out into such a dangerously chaotic world.   
  
"It would be easier for you and Valint if Ray stayed at the house with me, Papa," she'd explained innocently. "If all my men are gone, who will protect me?"   
  
Smiling warmly at her words, Papa kissed his only daughter on the forehead, while his only son eyed her suspiciously. Valint knew Elena would do her best to keep her son out of danger. She would rather have had her father and brother stay with her as well, but she knew they were set in their ways and their duties.   
  
But Elena had already lost two loved ones, and she did not wish to lose anyone else. "Mama" Kovich passed away from illness when her two children were young, and Ed, Elena's American fiancé and Ray's father, died suddenly in a plane crash, on his way to visit her and their unborn child.   
  
Valint had always suspected his sister and the American had secretly planned to run away to the States, where they would marry and raise their child. Unfortunately, that would never be, and, instead, Elena remained in Transylvania with her family.   
  
Hoping to make the best in a bad situation, Elena Kovich showered her son with all the maternal love she had never known, the love that had been taken away from her at such a young age. She taught him the skills she believed every civilized person should know: to read and to sew and even to cook a few things, which he wasn't very good at anyway.   
  
"When you get married, Ray," she'd always say, "your wife will be so happy that you can do this. Trust me."   
  
And he did.   
  
But the young Kovich also desired something else. He wanted to go out in the world, to live off his instincts, to hunt and to be hunted, to feel, as Papa and Uncle Valint put it, what it was really like to be "alive." Soon, he would.   
  
Everything changed for the Koviches when Papa died. After their father's murder, when Valint came to her and asked for her thirteen-year-old son, Elena swallowed her pride and all of her dreams and acquiesced to his demands. She had no other choice.   
  
The day he and Valint left was the last time Rafe saw his mother. When they returned from training six months later, Elena Kovich had already passed away.   
  
There was no identifiable reason for her death. Valint theorized that Mama's illness had claimed another victim, but Rafe believed that she died of a broken heart. He was her everything, and he left her. He would never forgive himself.   
  
Rafe spent the next five years tracking and exterminating every evil he could find. His silent rage fueled every move, every decision he made. It was what kept him alive, what kept him going after Valint was killed. It was his life.   
  
Rafe'd hoped that once he destroyed Caleb Morley, his last target, he could finally settle down and marry, as his mother had wished. But Caleb killed the young slayer, and that dream slipped from Rafe's grasp... until someone found it in their heart to sent him back down to earth... and to Alison.   
  
He would remember her and their love. He knew it. He had to. All he needed was time... 


End file.
